Remember how I asked you to make a list of your desires, and that I'd follow up on that list? Here is the follow-up, and it comes to your courtesy of my reading of Mario Murillo (thank him for any wisdom therein).
(This is a long one, I've been throwing it around in my head for a few days now and its all coming out in a torrent!)
Many of us, myself included, carry around the misconception that giving our life to God means giving up everything we want from it. We even tend to misconstrue the tales of the Biblical heroes to see them as "victims" of the call of God; their enjoyment of life seems crushed under the weight of God's sacrificial calling. Those heroes were holy, and they DID sacrifice much and continually deny themselves. But they also tended to live very fulfilling lives, and they received surprised blessings often along the way. For a few examples: Abraham received a son, Isaac found a loving wife in Rebekah, Joshua ruled a nation, Moses saw God, David became a mighty king, Solomon was wealthy and wise, Daniel was pampered in a palace, and so on.
Here is my point: because our heart's longings are a big part of how God made us, He blends their fulfillment into our calling. This is one way in which the Lord evokes total commitment, a labor of joy from His servants. Read the story of David again (or just this excerpt, if you prefer) and ask if David was being selfish by making this statement:
"What shall be done to the man who kills this Philistine and takes away the reproach from Israel? For who is this uncircumcised Philistine, that he should defy the armies of the living God?" (1 Samuel 17:26)
We can see David's zeal for God's honor in this verse. He wanted to kill Goliath for all the right reasons, but he was also thinking about his own goals and aspirations for the future. David asked, "I can see that God needs this action to take place, yet what am I going to get out it?"
Once again, that seems a little selfish, but David understood God. He was a man after God's own heart, after all. He understood that God was a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. We are made to want to be rewarded for our efforts, and God likes to hand out those rewards.
We've all seen the opposite type of spiritual leaders, those who are always somber, even morbid. They continually recite to you all that they have lost for the sake of the gospel. They describe "God's dealings" with them as if they were showing off scars. But in all their joyless labor they rarely fulfill a great vision or reach lost people.
God doesn't ask your everything and offer nothing in return; likewise, if you offer everything, He gives back with MORE abundance.
Look again at Hannah. When she entered God's presence, she did not pray for revival in Israel. She did not come to promote the cause of righteousness. She was in fact reduced to one unending cry for motherhood. All she wanted was children.
Here comes the secret part: God was the One growing that heart cry in her. First He closed her womb, and then He allowed her rival to harass her. She could not eat but only wept until finally she collapsed at the door of the tabernacle. Eli, the priest, assumed she was drunk, because now her cry transcended words—it was total heart language.
Hannah explained, "No, my lord, I am a woman of sorrowful spirit. I have drunk neither wine nor intoxicating drink, but have poured out my soul before the Lord" (1 Samuel 1:15). There it is! She was honest with God about her desires. She poured out her soul to the Lord, and like a bucket of water poured into a pump to prime it, so it was that God began pouring out His soul to Hannah.
This is the timeless discovery of spiritual giants since the garden: "Deep calls unto deep at the noise of Your waterfalls" (Psalms 42:7). Her deep cry touched the depth of God.
Our profound longings bring us into a position in which God and His child can create a miracle. This is God's purpose for our longings—to bring Him glory, to do His will on earth. It is as though our overwhelming desire tunes our spirits to the frequency of God's own grief and desire for the world.
Back to Hannah. God had no prophet in Israel; Hanna found empathy with God. He had no prophet; she had no son. Their mutual yearnings, which by the rules of math add up to a double zero, instead resulted in double provision.
Then she made a vow and said, "O Lord of hosts, if You will indeed look on the affliction of Your maidservant and remember me, and not forget Your maidservant, but will give Your maidservant a male child, then I will give him to the Lord all the days of his life, and no razor shall upon his head (1 Samuel 1:11).
This is nothing short of a model prayer to make a fresh impact for God! In the process of asking for your heart's desires you discover the grief God bears. But not just any grief; it is that sorrow which you are uniquely equipped to heal—your personal calling and impact for the world!
The Bible says in Isaiah 53:3 that Jesus was a "Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief." Paul referred to the "fellowship of His sufferings" in Philippians 3:10. Though we cannot heal God's grief, we can, by sensing His grief, be changed as Isaiah wrote, "Woe is me, for I am undone! Because I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips; for my eyes have seen the King, the Lord of hosts" (Isaiah 6:5).
After that, God called Isaiah to serve Him, saying: "Whom shall I send, and who will go for Us?" Isaiah responded: "Here am I! Send me!"
Once God begins to awaken that grief in you, starts leading you to the problem you are uniquely designed to heal, the grief for your own desires will become less and less important to you. You no longer need to ask for your heart's desires. You will lend them to the Lord. Because of Hannah, the prophet Samuel was born.
And the Lord visited Hannah, so that she conceived and bore three sons and two daughters. Meanwhile the child Samuel grew before the Lord (1 Samuel 2:21).
(See that? She went home with the knowledge that she was doing God's will and that God would provide. What did God do? He not only opened her womb to give her a male son; He gave her three sons and two daughters! He went above and beyond once she heard His grief/desire and then gave her own to Him!)
I tell you this from personal experience. There are many things I desire, some of which I desire so badly that they consume me at times. But I'm beginning to see how my desires coincide with God's desires. I desire a strong and loving relationship with a wife and family; the state of marriage in America is dismal and in need of healing; my preoccupation with relationships has led me to become knowledgeable on healthy relationships/marriages and pursue a position where I can counsel and heal. I desire a strong education and a position of influence in academia; our universities are filled with atheistic and anti-Christian moral values and instruction, not to mention confusion over what Jesus really said; my thirst for knowledge and eloquence is moving me into a position to combat these forces. I also have a desire for foreign language and travel; I have no idea how God will use this to further His kingdom, but I know it will happen because I'm uniquely designed to serve Him!
With all this talk about grief, I don't want you to be side-tracked into thinking this will be a miserable experience. Quite the contrary! Alongside the verses about being full of grief, Jesus also described Himself as joyful, and desiring His joy to be in us. "If you obey My commands, you will remain in My love, just as I have obeyed My Father's commands and remain in His love. I have told you this so that My joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete" (John 15:10-11). And again:
I tell you the truth, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy. A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world. So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy. In that day you will no longer ask Me anything. I tell you the truth, My Father will give you whatever you ask in My name. Until now you have not asked for anything in My name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete! (John 16:20-24)"
God-given desires turn to God-felt grief and direction. Grief and direction turn into purpose and the will of God acted on earth as it is in Heaven. God's will on earth means joy and fulfillment of your desires.
"Return to the stronghold, you prisoners of hope. Even today I declare that I will restore double to you" (Zechariah 9:12). God calls us prisoners of hope. We are never to give up on the promise that God will restore everything we offer to Him! He urges us to return to the stronghold, to return to Him, and let Him restore us.
What are you waiting for? Pour out your soul to God! The marriage of your heart to God's heart will create the miracle, and you will discover what your personally designed impact for this world is! Start that labor of love for Jesus today! He is a rewarder of those who seek His will!
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