Heartfelt Interlude Between Real Posts

Am I at the point of no improvement?
What of the depths that I still dwell in?
I try to excel, but I feel no movement.
Can I be free of this unreleasable sin?

Never underestimate my Jesus.
You're telling me that there's no hope;
I'm telling you, you're wrong.

Never underestimate my Jesus.
When the world around you crumbles,
He will be strong. He will be strong.

I throw up my hands: "Oh, the impossibilities!"
Frustrated and tired, where do I go from here?
Now I'm searching for the confidence I've lost so willingly.
Overcoming these obstacles is overcoming my fears.

Never underestimate my Jesus.
You're telling me that there's no hope;
I'm telling you, you're wrong.

Never underestimate my Jesus.
When the world around you crumbles,
He will be strong. He will be strong.

I think I can't! I think I can't!
But I think You can, I think You can....

Gather my insufficiencies and place them in Your hands.
Place them in Your hands. Place them in Your hands....

Never underestimate my Jesus.
You're telling me that there's no hope;
I'm telling you: you're wrong!

Never underestimate my Jesus.
When the world around you crumbles,
He will be strong. He will be strong.

Praises in the Storm?

If you've been a Christian any time at all, you've no doubt heard or even personally been told at some point that we are to praise God in periods of blessing, and praise God in periods of tribulation. It goes back to loving God regardless of the situation, and believing in Him.

When you go through the rough patches, though, do you know what to praise God for? I've asked myself that before. It wasn't doubt in God's power that made me ask - it was just simple logistics. When nothing in the world around me is giving me reason to be thankful, and it feels like God is off away somewhere preparing things for "some day" when He's going to answer, what do you have to praise Him for right then? You could "count your blessings," and name what God's done for you in the past. I've done that, but it's never made me feel all that appreciative at the time. I was just doing it because I knew I was supposed to. You could thank Him for the answer you know He's going to give eventually, but if you have no idea in what form that answer's going to come, it still feels hollow, at least to me. I mean, we should thank Him for future deliverance, but I really want something I can be thankful for in the here and now, when I'm in a valley. What does God have for me that's so great then?

I'm writing tonight about something you can tangibly see (in a way) during the rough times, something you can hold onto (surprisingly) and say, "Thank you, Lord, for THIS."

Let me back up a second. Right now, I'm in one of the worst places I've ever been. I think I say that each time I go through a trial, and I think each time, it's true. By walking through one valley of the shadow of death, God grants you new strengths to walk through the next, harder one - one you would not have been able to get through had you not first gone through the other. Some of you readers may know a portion of the tribulation around me, some of you may know nothing of any of it. Essentially, though, I'm being attacked on all sides. It honestly feels like everywhere I look, I see frustration, failure, and heartbreak. In my living arrangements, in my school, in my work, in my finances, in my friendships, in my relationships (or lack thereof), in my car, in my physical health, everywhere - literally NOTHING is going my way right now. It makes me want to throw my head up and just scream, "Do you even have anything left to throw at me, Satan? Do you think You might want to step in here sometime, God?!"

I feel battered. And exhausted. And utterly lost and alone. I'm almost afraid to attempt anything right now because the way things have been going, it will either fall away into nothing or worse, blow up in my face.

But this is not a pity party. This is a praise report.

The bigger the giants in your life, the fiercer the winds and waves, the higher the stone walls, the darker your night is... the better the opportunity for God to shine. Remember, our lives are about bringing glory to God. When everything else is stripped away, that is the purpose of our lives. The fires that we go through do exactly that - they strip everything else away, so that we realize only a miracle - only God - can save us; and when He does, we know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was Him who delivered us, not our own workings or the workings of the world.

In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith – of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire – may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. I Peter 1:6-7

Earlier I told you that during those tribulations, you actually have something you can hold to and say thank you for, remember? I was referring to the tribulations themselves. Yeah, it sounds crazy, but we need to look at tribulations in the right way. The more tribulations that come against us, the deeper into crap that we fall... how much more will God deliver us out of those? If you're sitting high and easy on a mountain of blessings, praise God! But where do you have to go from there? Why do we go through hell in this life? To give us the opportunity to rely on God, and to give God the opportunity to wow the world with His deliverance. When you're lying beaten at the bottom of a valley, staring up at the cold, dark walls all around you, praise God! Where do you have to go from there? Up! The farther down you go, the stronger and more magnificent the day of deliverance will be!

But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

When we as Christians encounter periods of drought and have to walk through hell, we should count each one a blessing from God because each one of those are ways in which God is going to shine in our lives! We can be thankful FOR THE TRIALS because they are EVIDENCE that God is bringing abundance and relief! That is when He is strongest in our lives! The devil wants to throw evil at us to break us down, but we can turn it around on him! We can give thanks for that evil that comes against us because we see it as opportunity for our Savior to prove Himself to us and to the world that watches us!

Jesus said, “Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.” Luke 22:31-32

So the next time you are broken by the conditions of the world in your life, choose to stand up and say, "Thank you for this, Jesus! Thank you for trusting me with this trial, with this opportunity to shine with Your light and to bring glory to Your Name! Thank you for delivering me in a mighty way, in such a way that all those around me will marvel and bring praise to You!"

God will deliver you. You know that. He promises to do so - see Romans 8:18, 28, 16:20; Deuteronomy 31:8; Psalm 34:4, 10, 17; Malachi 3:10; Jeremiah 29:11; Lamentations 3:31-32; Micah 7:8; Luke 12:6-7; 2 Corinthians 4:16-18; 1 Peter 5:7-10; 1 John 5:4-5; the list goes on and on!

When you need something, anything, to praise God for, you now know where to look - in the last place the devil expects you or wants you to. Because when you get to the place where you can honestly praise God in the storm, that's when your faith flourishes and that is when the giants fall, the waves die down, the walls crumble, the darkness flees, and when God is glorified! When you are disheartened and think the enemy is winning in your life, remember these sage words of C. S. Lewis and follow them - your victory is just around the next bend!

‎[The enemy's] cause is never in more danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending, to do [the Father's] will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken... and still obeys. - C. S. Lewis, the Screwtape Letters

He Promises to Deliver His People

So I have come down to deliver them out of the hand of the Egyptians, and to bring them up form that land to a good and large land, to a land flowing with milk and honey... (Exodus 3:8)

The children of Israel had been delivered from Egypt and wandered in the desert for 40 years before entering the land God had promised them.

But as soon as year number 41 came, the wandering was over for good. They entered into the land of milk and honey! Maybe it seems that you are in a desert period of your life. Maybe you feel like you've been stumbling around for 40 years. Don't worry, number 41 is on its way!

Look at these examples: Noah and his family were on the ark while it rained for 40 days and 40 nights—41 came, and the rain stopped. For 40 days Goliath showed up every morning and taunted Israel—41 came, and David slew him!

God has promised to bring you out of your Egypt as well—if you will hold on to your faith in Him. Whatever situation you are going through right now, don't give up. God is on your side! So if it seems like trouble has been raining down on you, don't worry because 41 is on the way. The rain is going to stop. Whatever giant is in your life, 41 is coming and that giant's coming down! You are more than a conqueror through Christ Jesus (see Romans 8:37). He will deliver you out of Egypt.

See for yourself: Genesis 7, 8; Samuel 17; Psalm 34:17, 19.

You of Little Faith

During the fourth watch of the night Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw Him walking on the lake, they were terrified. "It's a ghost," they said, and cried out in fear. But Jesus immediately said to them: "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid."

"Lord, if it is you," Peter replied, "Tell me to come to you on the water."

"Come," He said.

Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!"

Immediately Jesus reached out His hand and caught him. "You of little faith," He said, "Why did you doubt?"

And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down.

(Matthew 14:25-32)

One thing that I love about the Bible is that, with the help of the Holy Spirit, scriptures that you have read a thousand times can take on new meaning to speak directly into your life for the situation you are currently in. So it was with this passage.

In the story as told in Mark, it says that Jesus saw the disciples struggling with their boat because "the wind was against them." Their journey was not going well for them, but they were trying hard to do as Jesus commanded and "go on across the lake ahead of Him." Jesus walked out to them and gave them direction, but they were afraid.

A week ago today, Jesus walked out on the water in front of me. He had commanded me to walk down a certain path, assuring me He'd meet me on the other side, and I was struggling to obey. I knew the command, and I knew I'd get through it somehow, so I was certainly not expecting Jesus to show up and change my plans. When He did arrive, I was scared. My response to His direction was, "No! That can't be Jesus! If I do that, it will ruin everything!" I didn't recognize Jesus - I saw a ghost.

But Jesus answered and said, "Take courage! It is I. Do not be afraid, Craig." I was still doubtful, but I wanted to do God's will, so I cried out, "If that is you, Lord, confirm it for me. Tell me to come to you directly." And much to my displeasure, Jesus said, "Come." He called me out. If I was going to be obedient, I had to get out of the boat, leave my comfort zone, step out where it seemed like I would immediately sink. It was a suicide mission, if God didn't save the day.

I got out of the boat. I acted in a very bold manner. I gave my first kiss. I walked toward Jesus and, amazingly, didn't sink. At least not right away. Pretty soon after (within 24 hours), the winds came against me, and I started looking at them rather than at Jesus. The winds came from an unexpected source, accusing me of not hearing from God, of being unable to hear from God and needing to "seriously revaluate my relationship with Him" because I was wrong. I faltered. I started doubting myself, my ability to hear God, and I sank quick. Jesus was still speaking to me while those words were being said, but the waves were too loud for me to hear.

I went home following that conversation, not knowing what to do or where I was at, and all I could say was, "Lord, save me! I know You have Your hand in my life, in both of our lives. I thank You for loving me. I need direction now; please, save me." Then I went to sleep.

The next day, God gave me the above scriptures, and I realized where I was. I really had followed Jesus and stepped out of the boat. I was on top of the water, not drowning in it. Jesus immediately reached down and grabbed my hand, pulling me back up the moment my faith began to die. The storm was (is) still raging all around me, with no sign of letting up, but I have peace in the storm, safe in His arms.

Now I have to walk back to the boat. That was the final step for Peter - even though he had faltered, and Jesus had saved him, he still had to get back to the boat for the storm to die down. He had to hold Jesus's hand and go a little bit further across the surface of the tossing waves. I have to do the same. Jesus's words to me where two-fold: "You of little faith. Why do you doubt Me, Craig? You knew it was going to get worse before it got better. I told you that, even if you didn't want to hear it. But you obeyed, and that is all I ask of you. Now come here, rest in My arms, give Me your burdened heart, and let Me take it from here. You keep believing, and this storm will pass. That means you have to back off - you have to respect her wishes. It is between her and I now. I changed your heart in this; do you doubt I can do it again?"

Peace that passes all understanding. Even though the storms of love and life rage all around me, I am safe in His hands. Now my prayers need to take a different direction - it isn't my heart that is about to be tossed to and fro. Thank you, Lord, for providing for me; now please turn Your attention - and my attention - outward. We'll walk this together, and end up with a beautiful day out of sea soon enough.

I don't think anybody really reads this blog, but if you do, I want to encourage you to spend time in prayer, letting God know precisely how you feel and what you want. As you unburden yourself, you'll find peace, and in that peace, you'll be quieted enough to hear God's still, small voice of direction. When you do, no matter how crazy the direction seems, follow it. It may not make the storm go away immediately, but Jesus will be there save you, even if you falter once you start. All He asks for is obedience, that first step. And once the two of you get back to the boat, your answer will come. But none of it happens if you don't step out of the boat and onto the crashing waves in the first place.

Crashing Those Pity Parties

In Luke 9:23 Jesus tells us, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.” Self-denial is necessary to take up the cross and follow Jesus. It needs to be done every day. To me the self-denial part involves a deconstruction of negative aspects of the self. Like self-love, self-hatred, and self-pity. All are forms of self-obsession, and the more self-obsession one has the less following of Jesus there will be. The following of Jesus is in inverse proportion to self-obsession.

Self-pity is one of the more punishing kinds of self-obsession. Self-pity cannot coexist with spiritual renewal and transformation. Unfortunately, I could write a book and call it How To Host Your Next Pity Party.

To be self-pitying is to live life as a victim. While it’s true that sometimes we are victims, I think there is a spirit of victimization (self-deprivation) that is to be distinguished from the real thing. It looks like this. More than once the words have come into my mind, "Poor me! They are not treating me right - and after all I've done for them!" Sometimes I even replace "they" and "them" with "God" and "Jesus" in my pity-parties, feeling short-changed by my Creator. Personal deprivation and even mistreatment lead to the emotion of anger.

In this regard Henri Nouwen asks, "What else is anger but the response to the sense of being deprived? Much of my own anger comes from the fact that my self feels deprived." When one chooses to express this anger by hosting a pity party the self-obsession has begun.

One then becomes like Tolstoy’s character Ivan Ilyich, of whom it was said that “no one pitied Ivan the way he wished to be pitied.” If you’re at all familiar with self-pity read this section from Tolstoy and relate:

"What tormented Ivan Ilych most was the deception, the lie, which for some reason they all accepted, that he was not dying but was simply ill, and the only need keep quiet and undergo a treatment and then something very good would result… The awful, terrible act of his dying was, he could see, reduced by those about him to the level of a casual, unpleasant, and almost indecorous incident (as if someone entered a drawing room defusing an unpleasant odour) and this was done by that very decorum which he had served all his life long. He saw that no one felt for him, because no one even wished to grasp his position… [W]hat most tormented Ivan Ilych was that no one pitied him as he wished to be pitied. At certain moments after prolonged suffering he wished most of all (though he would have been ashamed to confess it) for someone to pity him as a sick child is pitied. He longed to be petted and comforted.”

When you hold a “pity party” and invite yourself and others to it, the focus is on you. It’s all about how you have been hurt, how you have been mistreated, and how you have been wronged. The ruling emotion of pity is bitterness. But one can’t be at the same time bitter and fulfilling the Great Commandment to love God with all your heart. Self-pity seems to be the opposite of renewal and transformation of the heart. For an unfortunate example of the spirit of victimization consider this:

In 1978 Dan White, a former San Francisco city supervisor who had recently resigned his position, entered San Francisco City Hall through a basement window, went upstairs, and shot and killed Mayor George Moscone and Supervisor Harvey Milk. Psychiatrist Martin Blinder testified in court that White had been depressed, which led to eating junk food: Twinkies and Coca-Cola. This further deepened White's depression, since he was an ex-athlete and knew that the food was not good for him. White’s legal defense was that this junk-food-induced depression prompted his murder spree. This celebrated diagnosis became known as the "Twinkie defense." We were supposed to have pity on him because the Twinkies made him do it!

Someone who holds “pity parties” refuses to take responsibility for their own behavior and blames others. Self-pity leads to a “victim mentality.” Therefore self-pity needs to be denied, because it keeps us from being fulfilled in Jesus. To experience renewal and transformation be free from giving the “Twinkie Defense.” Experience God as your Defender. Do this by daily being like a branch attached to Jesus the true Vine, gaining your sustenance from Him.

Soul-Searching

I am going soul-searching. I am deliberately taking time out of my life to just spend time with God. To just get to know Him. There are people in this world who I care deeply for, and this makes me want to just be with them. We don't have to talk or play games or anything for me to be content; I simply enjoy their presence. I love Jesus. I care for Him deeply. I want to just spend time with Him, not telling Him all of my concerns, not finding ways to do His work... just enjoying His presence. The rest of it - my concerns, my calling, His work - will be taken care of if I pursue this simple loving relationship first and foremost. My flesh struggles against this. It seems very foreign to me. I think C. S. Lewis summed up why I resist so strongly the idea of just spending time in solitude alone with God:

"The natural life knows that if the spiritual life gets hold of it, all its self-centredness and self-will are going to be killed and it is ready to fight tooth and nail to avoid that."

Solitude with God inevitably leads to the spiritual life getting hold of my natural, selfish life. That part of me is going to die. That's a scary thought, really - there are things that I WANT and that I do NOT WANT to give up. The truth is, my heart is restless. I don't like what God is telling me. I hate it. I want nothing to do with it. I don't want to hurt, or to long, or to be lonely. I want answers now. I want results now. But that's the natural, fighting tooth and nail. My spirit knows it is in my best interest to give way to God's transformation, whether I "like" it or not. And, deep down, in a still, small voice, I know that what I REALLY want is for all of this bad, nasty, heavy, oppressive emotion to go away, to be replaced by steadfast hope and love in my Savior. But I have to let parts of me die first. And that requires slow-cooking in God's presence. I need solitude with God.

As I walk this path, more instructive posts will follow most likely. I want to share what God reveals to me, in hopes my pain and time-spent will be of help to you and save you that pain and time. That being said, I cannot encourage you enough to start deliberately taking time out to be alone with God. Not a little time, either - hours. A full day. A weekend.

You will fall in love with Him, and your life will never be the same. You cannot avoid being changed after spending time in God's presence. That's what He does. Trust me.

The "Game with Minutes"

The Game with Minutes was designed by missionary Frank Laubach. It is mentioned in Greg Boyd's Present Perfect.

The game's challenge is this: try to bring Christ to mind at least one second of each and every minute within a designated hour. Laubach suggests choosing "an uncomplicated hour" to do this. Boyd writes: "The basic idea is that we need to become accustomed to remembering Christ when our mind has little to do before we can learn how to remember Christ with any consistency in situations that require more attention." (38)

Playing a game like this can be used by God to overcome the secular mentality deep within us. When we are brainwashed by the secular worldview "we habitually exclude [God] from our awareness. Because of this we go about our day-to-day lives as functional atheists... So thoroughly are we brainwashed by the secular mind-set that the very suggestion that we could routinely experience the world in a way that includes God strikes us as impossible." (29)

If we were like branches continually connected to Jesus the True Vine then Laubach's "game" would be silly. It would be like saying "Let's play a game where we breathe every few seconds." Or: "Let's play a game and pretend the Pope is Catholic." In other words we wouldn't need to play Laubach's game since we'd be fully God-connected 24/7. But is that possible? Boyd, following in the footsteps of many Jesus-followers before him, thinks it is, or is at least approachable. The reason is: constant God-awareness is the normal Christian life.

Rather than wait for special God-moments to come, God is present in every moment, in every "now." Because God is present now and in every moment, we can surrender ourselves in every moment to God. We don't have to wait for special worship services to do this. Indeed, to wait for the next worship service to come around shows that we're living more in the prevailing secular world than in the Kingdom of God.

Boyd writes: "As foreign as it is to contemporary Western Christianity, and as impossible as it may seem to many contemporary Christians, practicing the presence of God lies at the foundation of "mere Christianity."" (37) And: "Branches don't visit a vine once in a while on special occasions. Rather, branches are permanently attached to their source of life. So too, followers of Jesus are to take up permanent residence in Christ, remaining attached to him at all times as their source of their Life." (34)

This challenge can only be met one moment at a time:

Right now is the time to surrender.
Right now is the time to seek first the Kingdom of God.
Right now is the time to remain in Christ.
Right now is the time to live in the Spirit.
Right now is the time to pray.
Right now is the time to take every moment captive.

As Jesus taught, tomorrow will worry about itself. (Matthew 6:34; cf. Boyd, 37)